Of Office Bathrooms

In most offices, the toilets reserved for handicapped people are the cleanest even though they are right next to the regular toilets. Reason being they have less foot traffic, hence a more palatable environment exists there.

When I have to go, I always end up in these toilets. Not only are they usually spotlessly clean, but they also happen to have a kachuma against the wall that I guess handicapped people use to lift themselves off the wheelchair onto the toilet seat. On the occasions that greens have not featured prominently in my diet and some minor constipation occurs, I usually kanyanga this chuma to give myself stability for the big push. The thought has crossed my mind to solve the problem at the root and maybe add more greens to my diet but oh well - the kachuma works fine for now.

One time I was there dropping the kids off at the pool but the damn things were refusing to be unleashed. I had chucked my jacket and hung it on the door. My tie was at half mast. And there were veins popping all over my forehead.

I heard a knock on the door. "Just a minute!" I yelled. After about 5 minutes of huffing and puffing, I decided to nyonga the business. It had refused to chuck and the knocking on the door was becoming increasingly insistent.

I put on my coat and straightened my tie and chucked. Lo and behold! There were three men waiting outside on their wheelchairs, parked one after another giving me bad looks. Kwanza the third one in line was my supervisor's boss!

I acted like I had a problem with my leg and shamefacedly limped to the sink to wash my hands. After all, why was I in the handicapped stall to begin with? Before I even got there, the kiwete who was first in line raced his wheelchair into the stall. I heard him hoisting himself onto the seat and the sounds of a belt buckle dropping to the floor. By the time I was chucking, all I heard was "Tweee! Boom! Twaff! Aahhh!". Manze my commiseration goes out to the other two guys waiting in line.